Sad Cube Dweller

For three days I have been trying to do a write up about the death of Erica Kennedy– a woman I had never heard of until I read about her passing. Her death has had a tremendous effect on me. 

When I saw her picture my first thought was, “Wow, she is pretty.” Then I read the headline accompanying the photo and was shocked to learn that she was 42. She looked barely out of her twenties. “Did she die of cancer?” I thought.

It’s unclear how Ms. Kennedy died, but from a lot of the comments that I have been reading all signs are pointing to suicide. I think that is what is troubling me about this. Some say she may have been suffering from depression. Something I am very familiar with. I’ve lived with depression more of my life than I have lived without it. At some point in my late teens suicide became an option.

Life got so hard and I couldn’t understand why. My life wasn’t perfect, but I was smart, capable, and I had everything needed to be a productive human being. But I suffered. I lived in a dark place and could not escape it. I don’t know how I’ve managed to make it so long. I still struggle from time to time, but for the most part I have become content in my life. But I am in no position to guide anyone through the wicked maze of depression. I’m sure Ms. Kennedy had her reasons.

Ms. Kennedy’s friend described her as being “bright”, “brilliant”, “edgy”, “funny”. She was loved and respected. She had written two books, “Bling” and “Feminista”. She had a great online presence. My favorite movie critic and blogger Roger Ebert tweeted of Ms. Kennedy’s passing “the world is a lesser place”. Even though I have only known of her a few short days I feel the same way.

I feel a deep sadness for Ms. Kennedy because if she was indeed suffering from depression and the cause of death was by her own hands, I understand her decision. I have gotten lost in those dark and unceratin waters she was drowning in and they are beyond scary. It’s a place that I still to this day cannot properly describe. The very thought of it gives me chills. 

My deepest condolences to Ms. Kennedy’s family and friends.

A beautiful write up by one of Ms. Kennedy’s friends here.

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